Gemini
What would an omnipotent observer see, what would make it apparent that someone has recently cast off kegan 3 and is becoming (or has recently become) kegan 4?
An omnipotent observer would witness a fundamental shift in the very source of a person’s identity, seeing them move from being a product of their environment to the author of their own life. The change would be apparent in their decision-making, their handling of conflict, and their internal monologue.
Here is what an omnipotent observer would see as someone transitions from Kegan Stage 3 to Stage 4:
1. A Revolution in Decision-Making and Conflict Resolution
This is often the most externally visible sign. The observer would see a distinct change in how the person navigates choices and disagreements.
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From External Polling to Internal Authority:
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Kegan 3 (Recently Cast Off): The person would have habitually made important decisions by “polling the committee” of important people in their life (partners, parents, bosses, friends). Their primary concern would have been achieving consensus and meeting external expectations. They would ask, “What do we think?” or “What will they approve of?”
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Kegan 4 (Becoming): The observer would see them begin to make decisions based on an internal set of values or a personal code. They might still seek advice, but they now filter that advice through their own framework. Their language would shift to, “I’ve listened to everyone’s input, but I need to do what I believe is right,” or “This is my decision to make.” They have built their own “seat of judgment.”
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From Conflict Paralysis to Setting Boundaries:
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Kegan 3: Conflicting expectations from different groups would have caused immense internal distress and paralysis. For example, if their boss wanted them to work late but their partner wanted them home for dinner, they would feel torn apart, as their identity was tied to being both a “good employee” and a “good partner.”
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Kegan 4: The observer would see the new ability to stand firm in a choice that disappoints someone important to them, without it shattering their sense of self. They can say “no” and create boundaries, understanding that they cannot be all things to all people. They can make a choice and manage the relational fallout, rather than letting the potential for fallout dictate the choice.
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2. The Shift from “I Am” to “I Have”
An omnipotent observer could perceive the change in the person’s internal relationship with the world. This is Kegan’s “subject-object” shift.
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Kegan 3: The person was subject to their relationships, ideologies, and communities. Internally, their self was fused with these things. The feeling was, “I am a liberal,” “I am a good Catholic,” or “I am my family.”
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Kegan 4: The person can now take these things as object. The observer would see that the person’s identity is no longer the thing itself, but the system that holds the thing. The feeling becomes, “I have a set of liberal beliefs,” “I have a relationship with the Catholic church,” or “I have a role within my family.” This separation allows them to examine, critique, and shape these connections rather than be defined by them.
3. The Emergence of an Internal “Framework”
The observer would witness the construction of a personal ideology or internal constitution.
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Kegan 3: The person’s mind would have been a collection of values, beliefs, and rules inherited from their surroundings. These pieces often coexisted without a unifying system, which is why external conflict was so destabilising.
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Kegan 4: The observer would see the person actively sorting through these inherited beliefs. They would discard some, keep others, and transform still others to build a coherent, internally consistent system that is uniquely their own. When faced with a new idea, the internal question is no longer “Who else believes this?” but “How does this fit within my framework?”
In essence, the omnipotent observer would see a person stop asking the world, “Who should I be?” and begin telling the world, “This is who I am.” They move from being a character in a story written by their culture to being the author of their own.