Gemini summary
In Robert Kegan’s theory of adult development, Stage 3 is known as the “Socialised Mind” or the “Interpersonal” stage. It represents a crucial shift from the self-centred perspective of adolescence to an identity that is deeply intertwined with others. According to Kegan’s research, a significant majority of the adult population, estimated at 58%, operates from this stage.
Here is a summary of the key characteristics of Kegan’s Stage 3:
Identity is Shaped by External Factors
At this stage, a person’s sense of self, their beliefs, and their values are primarily shaped by their external environment. Their identity is fused with the people, groups, and belief systems they are a part of, such as family, culture, workplace, or ideology. Essentially, “who they are” is defined by these relationships and social roles.
”Subject” to Relationships
In Kegan’s framework, individuals at a certain stage are “subject” to its core elements, meaning they are controlled by them without being fully aware of it. In Stage 3, individuals are subject to their relationships and the expectations of others. Their sense of self is so merged with the opinions of others that they have difficulty distinguishing their own feelings and desires from the feelings and desires of those around them. This can lead to taking on too much personal responsibility for how others feel.
Seeking External Validation
Because their identity is externally defined, individuals in Stage 3 look outside themselves for validation and to know if they are “doing it right.” Their feelings of worth and success are often dependent on the approval and feedback of others, such as bosses, partners, or community leaders. They seek to conform to the norms and expectations of their chosen group or society to feel secure and accepted.
The “Crossroads” of Development
Kegan refers to this stage as the “interpersonal” stage because individuals can now genuinely care about relationships from a place of mutuality, not just for personal gain (as in Stage 2). They can internalise another’s perspective and are concerned with being a “good” friend, partner, or colleague based on shared expectations.
However, a major challenge of this stage arises when faced with conflicting expectations from different important people or groups in their life. Because their sense of self is dependent on all these external sources, they struggle to navigate these conflicts and often feel torn, unable to form an independent judgement. Moving beyond Stage 3 to Stage 4, the “Self-Authoring Mind,” involves developing an internal “seat of judgment” and defining a sense of self that is independent of the opinions of others.
Scrappy notes from old Obsidian vault
To be a Kegan 3 is to be stuck in Flatland
The claim I’d make here is that many of these undergrads are stuck in flatland. they’re operating within some plane of legibility, adopting its goals and markers of prestige, maybe occasionally acknowledging the existence of other planes at points where they intersect. but they never quite realise that the plane they live in isn’t the only plane in the world — and, importantly, never explicitly make the choice to inhabit that particular plane as opposed to any other.
Satire, but still:
Is this essentially what kegan stage 3 is?