- Writing - vignettes
- Warning - this one isn’t good
I hear you got some nice feedback today. That’s good, right? You’re not going to let it contribute to the “algal bloom” thing we talked about earlier, I know you’re not. It’d be so wildly predictable and gauche for you to take the kind and positive energy that was sent your way today and let it get in the way of enjoying yourself. Don’t be a dweeb; this is a gift.
I’ve also been wondering - what else can you do? You’ve got the David Foster Wallace anxious headlong tumble thing, that’s clearly a mode you’re comfortable with. It makes me a little worried that perhaps you live life in an anxious headlong tumble, but let’s not concern ourselves with that right now, it’s good to have an aesthetic, at least. But, how about we put aside the “I’m so vulnerable”, “look at my honesty and ability to unpack my fears” thing, and see what else you’ve got going on?
Uh oh. A pause, a blank smile. What happens when you put aside the self deprecation? Could it be, that you want to be… great? Maybe even… excellent? And yes I know, the use of ellipses won’t get you there, but stay focused, let’s not get distracted.
What has been excellent in your life, this year? Not much, I think we can both attest to that. I would posit that this is why you’ve been in radio silence mode. So there’s a simple prescription - own the fact that you’re striving for excellence. And also own the fact that it’s not something you can summon on command. Excellence on tap maybe wouldn’t even count, you need the highs and the lows. So yes, this post may be soggy cardboard, your brain isn’t working well, pizza and ice cream and tight hip flexors and the lonely feeling of a sunday night spent far away from anyone you care about, the nadir of your social life right now, you didn’t see a single person on your birthday, your dad is still a robot despite open heart surgery, they put his heart under fluorescent lights and replaced a valve but failed to heal the emotional calcification, we don’t have experts for that, just stumbling tpot zoomers, you should know. And yes, there’s something here, you can work on this thread for a little longer and find something to polish, although it does involve returning to anxious subject matter, but then again, its been an anxious few weeks.
I’d like to be brave enough to write stuff that I think is rubbish and just leave it at that, but I do currently feel the need to write a little “this was rubbish, I’m depleted” note at the end of this. Happy to be hitting publish regardless!
- I wonder if I should have just written about my experience, rather than doing this “aha, you have a style, what else can you do?” thing - currently, idk if I can do anything else, but I like writing in my style. The permission to have one drum that I bang repeatedly for a while, rather than having to signal “I know that this is tired and I’ve developed an aesthetic”. Being myself, rather than going meta